In no particular order and without naming and shaming anyone (you know who you are), here are the top 6 things that you can all do to improve the quality of my life. Of course, all said with a smile on my face!!
- Do as you are told!
It’s simple. If I write you a training session which says “45 minutes @ level 1” that’s what I mean. When I read your training diary and it says “90 minutes carrying a rucksack filled with bricks” (trust me this happened) it makes me wonder why do I bother! There will be a reason I have set this session; there is a reason I set every session. Don’t mess with the plan!
- Don’t do as you are told!
Ok, I admit it, I am human. I might make the occasional mistake when writing your session. If I have written your treadmill session as “8 x 1k @ 117% incline you might want to check with me first. Or when I set a session of “10 x 800m @ Ironman pace” and forget to put in any rest. Don’t do it! “If in doubt give me a shout” can be your 2016 mantra when reading your weekly plan.
- Fill in your Training Peaks diary!
What I love most in the world when I look at your TP is seeing a sea of green; even more pleasing is when I read your pithy comments for each session. Call me a sad old git but I do enjoy reading how a session has gone. Things like “I spewed in the garage after the turbo session”, or “I needed to stop for a S**t on the run and had to use one of my new Ashmei socks to wipe my arse” really cheer me up. Keep them coming. However for those of you who find it hard to spend 5 minutes a day completing your diary, sort it out! Each week’s training should build nicely on the previous week like a beautifully designed Jenga Puzzle. If I don’t know what you have or haven’t done this makes it difficult to do this.
- Talk to me!
Every Friday I send you a cheery text asking what I need to consider before writing your next week’s training. This is your big moment to tell me that Aunty Joyce has died and you are going to be away for the weekend to squabble over her Laura Ashley furniture with your other relatives. Knowing this is helpful as I then won’t set you that “90 minutes run carrying enough bricks to build a small housing estate in Bromley Cross” on Saturday. What is slightly annoying is spending time over the weekend crafting the week’s training to then be told 9pm Sunday that “you forgot your daughter is getting married next weekend”. Or worse still, getting no reply at all!
- Follow your own training plan!
When you get a prescription from your GP to ease the severe pain in your back, caused by those bricks, you don’t hand the pills around at the next club session! (Well, I hope you don’t). So why do you replace my fantastic Level 3 turbo session that I spent hours writing with a ride that your friends were planning, leaving me to read on your TP “Had a lovely ride out with my lovely friends cause it was such a nice day, we stopped for cakes and Earl Grey! WHAT! How is that going to help when you are approaching Sheep House Lane for the second time on July 17th!
- Don’t be a sheep!
Finally, whilst I encourage you all to train with other people where possible (obviously following all the above rules), don’t be a sheep! Just because one of your relatives is really keen to swim at Salford Quays on New Years Day (see picture above) doesn’t mean you have to go along and join in. It might just be that the keen swimmer is actually also slightly deranged and exactly the sort of guy who would run “90 minutes carrying a rucksack filled with bricks” just for fun. No names needed.
If everyone follows all these very reasonable resolutions I am sure we can all look forward to a harmonious working relationship, If not, there will be some coaching places available very soon!